Jim Foster

Stories

Photo submitted by Metro Creative Graphics

Signs of being a geezer

Sadly I am convinced that somehow over the past seven decades I have become a geezer. I'm not positive but I do show some signs that suggest I might qualify for geezerdom.

Eighty doesn’t have to be ‘a tragic age’

Alas, my 80th birthday is now history. As we grow older, birthdays seem to come a lot faster — sometimes once a year, even more. I’m sure some older geezers can identify with that. “Life is a big circle!” I always say. One minute your mother is congratulating you for finally shucking your diapers, and the next you’re down at Shoppers trying them on

QMI Agency/File Photo

An unusual predicament

A few years ago, I was browsing through 'Toronto Life' and came across an ad for Obsession for Men, Eau de Toilet by Calvin Klein

Some abstract truth about European art

Most Canadians know nothing of the great artists of the Renaissance and the modern era. Why is it common street urchins in European countries can readily recognize the classic red-headed beauties of Titian while dedicated university art students can’t decide which is Butthead and which is Beavis?

Words of wisdom

As we humans approach our dotage, it becomes more and more important for us to leave some sort of advice to those we leave behind after we have moved on to someplace very nice or very hot. You probably have a fairly good idea where you are going. Myself, I have always been fond of harp music. I better switch to the piano accordion. You may have to

A different kind of hazard

On the first of May, we were watching the Zurich Classic Golf Tournament from New Orleans, or “Nawlins” as we Cajuns call it, and an odd thing happened. Well, it would be considered odd up here, but maybe not down there, where 100 degrees Fahrenheit is considered a little on the chilly side and the long underwear comes out.

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Pondering over a pint

I have, in front of me, a 500-ml can of Tyskie beer given to me by a friend who just polished off four of them and is lying facedown on my lawn. Tyskie, by the way, is the No. 1 selling beer in Poland, which all we beer connoisseurs know is brewed by Polish Tyskie Browary Ksiažece. (There is supposed to be squiggly thing underneath the 'a' and the

The battle of the bulge

This morning Mary and I were going through our daily ritual of squeezing me into a pair of pants. I'm sure every family has the same routine. I take a deep breath and suck in my stomach until my eyes bug out. Just before everything goes black, Mary hooks the clips on my pants together.

Truth in advertising

Today we will be discussing the very slim possibility that ad agencies, on rare occasions, may tell fibs.

Analyzing fashion trends

Being known as an authority on the vagaries of the fashion industry and expert on the latest trends can be a demanding, but rewarding pastime for someone with the body of a Greek god and an inexhaustible supply of cash to afford a wardrobe even the wealthiest Hollywood stars envy.

A short history of height

I stumbled across an interesting article that changed my outlook on life. Napoleon Bonaparte wasn't short. Granted, he was never scouted by the Toronto Raptors, but Napoleon was somewhere around 5'6" in his sock feet. One historian said maybe even 5'7". At the time, 5'6" was the average height of a Frenchman. I tried to find out how tall the Duke o

The power of positivity

It’s raining. In fact, it has been raining for several days now. Not only that, but weathernetwork.com told me it will rain this morning and all afternoon, into the evening and again tomorrow.

Beauty in the eye of the beholder

For no particular reason, I've been thinking about popular TV shows we never see anymore. One of them was Extreme Makeover.

REUTERS Fresoces by Michelangelo adorn the walls of the Sistine Chapel in Rome.

A history of fake news

Have you ever wondered if all of those interesting historical facts we were taught in school were true, or could some be figments of an early bozo's imagination? Do you really believe King Harold got nailed in the eye with an arrow at the Battle of Hastings? Maybe he just had a sty and died trying to lance it with a meat fork. It's a great story, b